Soul & Spirit

Sex Meditation – The 4 Principles for a Fulfilling Connection

Olajumoke Adeyemo

Most of us like the idea of having amazingly fulfilling sex. It is one of the great joys of human existence that we are capable of deep levels of sexual connection and passion. Combining sex and meditation is a key here.

However, in our hurried hectic western lives, and with all the societal issues that currently surround sex, we don’t always have the head space or the heart space to really wallow and enjoy how these experiential delights can consciously channel our energy positively.

We want to be able to enjoy that connection with the Divine, so — in a bid to help us really relish and bathe in the beauty of our carnal happenings — here are some simple tried-and-tested reminders.

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Prepping for Sex Meditation

Discovering the possibility of reaching that higher state during sexual encounters is part of the fun. Once you know it might be an option, sex meditation comes within your personal frame of reference.

Now, if you have the time and inclination, a few minutes meditation before lovemaking might help you along the way. You might do this on your own or with your lover (or lovers) as part of foreplay. It all depends on the circumstances and setting.

Obviously, it might not be wise to leave the bedroom half-way through heated tactile enjoyment to go into a deep trance-like state in the living room, while your hot, naked lover is waiting for you on the satin sheets!

Timing is everything, so figure out what suits you — and him or her or indeed, them. You may be able to find a few minutes sometime before lovemaking, even if it is hours before. Even if you don’t end up having sex, some peaceful exhalation time is great for the soul.

Taking time to just breathe and relax, and to gently acknowledge the awesome divine connection that we all have, can work wonders. Sitting comfortably with your eyes closed, while just following the path of air in and out of your body, can consciously reminds us of our connection to life, and how blessed we really are. The more we practise the awareness of the present breath, the easier it becomes to remain connected.

After all, as we are all uniquely divine, sex is merely a route to a destination we are already part of.

Awareness About Wandering Thoughts

We all know what it is like when your mind starts to wander off on a tangent during lovemaking. Thoughts flood in from all directions and take root at the most inconvenient times. “Will this make me late for work?”, “Has the washing machine cycle finished?”, “I could really do with a cup of tea!”, “Why is my neighbour’s dog barking so loudly? Maybe they are being burgled!”, “Will the boss give me that promotion?”, “Did my mother get the flowers I sent her?”.

sex meditation

For most of us, until we learn to practise otherwise, the mind rhetoric is endless and just part of being human. To experience our divine energy during sex, we need to be present – make it a sex meditation. Paying attention fully to current physical sensations is a simple way to appreciate the now.

For example, feeling the immediate tactile sensation of the grass under your butt, or the Egyptian cotton sheets against your naked skin, or the smell of your lover’s neck, or the unique taste of your lover’s lips, or the sound of his or her breathing.

These are all things that require no effort to be aware of, and they will keep you grounded to the current moment, so your mind can have a well-needed rest, particularly if there has been no time (or inclination) to meditate beforehand.

Being Conscious of Sexual Energy and Where We Send It

Intentionally directing your sexual energy without actual physical contact can remind us that we are more than just our bodies.

As you breathe deeply, imagine yourself filled with beautiful sexual light. Of course, in reality, you are, so this is only a reminder. Keep consciously breathing deeply: breath is life, and it is what gives us the awareness to be connected to the universe and to our divine selves.

Speaking from experience, many an orgasm has been stifled, stopped or shortened because I have stopped breathing deeply — or held my breath. Breathe deeply and consciously and with intention throughout lovemaking, and just see what happens.

I usually suggest letting the mind relax during sex, but sometimes it is all about direction and focus. It is great fun using your mind to send sexual energy to different parts of your lover’s body, or indeed your own body.

I can honestly say continuous sex meditation practise is the key here, and physical proximity isn’t that important. Just as it is possible to send someone love or good luck without actually holding hands with them, we can send sexual energy with just a clearly directed thought.

Be careful with this one though… you don’t want to be sending your partner into streams of ecstasy while they are on a solo shopping trip in the supermarket! Then again, maybe you do…

A great exercise for creating more awareness around your own and your partner’s sexual energy is Yoni Massage.

Leaving Judgement Behind

Sex, in whatever form we are experiencing it — and as long as it is between consenting adults — is a blessing. Just for now, focus on the breathing, while dropping all the judgements, concerns, and worries.

If the judgements arrive — and they probably will — acknowledge them and let them go. They are just temporary thoughts. You and your awareness are here for the duration. Your thoughts are not.

Finally, don’t try too hard. You can ask, and you might get. That divine connection is like life, a gift of grace. It will happen when it happens.

Sometimes, these blessings have caught me by surprise; other times, for one reason or another, personal or circumstantial, it just ain’t happening. Even if it doesn’t happen, I can still have a beautiful sexual experience. Like a blue-sky, warm-breeze, sunshiny day, no matter what the weather forecast may have said, it happens when it happens — and you will certainly know when it does!


What are your thoughts on this? What are your secrets to amazingly fulfilling sex life? Share them in the comments section below. We would love to hear them!

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About the author

Olajumoke Adeyemo

Olajumoke Adeyemo

Jumoke likes writing articles about sexual exploration, spirituality, and fun.
She is a qualified sexual health teacher and has taught sexual health in schools, colleges, and adult workshops. She has been active in a variety of sexual communities for a number of decades.
She practices yoga and meditation regularly, believes in karma, rides a bike, takes long walks, and likes dogs. She also swears like a sailor, gives great full-body hugs, and smiles a lot. She currently lives in London.