The percentage of women who never reach orgasm from intercourse alone varies from study to study. Many women feel little to not much at all inside their vagina. And this syndrome, commonly known as numb vagina, is making the world of female sexuality crazy for a hundred years.
My colleague Ma Ananda Sarita reminded me of this: When Freud mentioned (without much scientific proof) that woman who only orgasm clitorally are immature, the world started to panic. Trying to figure out how women can orgasm vaginally created an intense pressure for lovers on a global scale. Since today the believe that a vaginal orgasm is the ‘right’ and ‘mature’ kind of orgasm is still out there.
In this article, I don’t want to put the clitoris and her incredible ability to orgasm down. Or support the praise and compare clitoral to vaginal orgasms. I want to point out the mere fact of numb vagina’s as a standalone status quo.
I have a few questions for you: How can you tell if your vagina is responding fully? I mean did you ever think about it?
It’s not like you could try out another vagina to see the difference. Maybe you noticed some parts of your vagina are feeling numb. But how would you even know if they were?
We don’t have a tradition of women gathering in sacred spaces to talk freely and frankly about their bodies, sexuality, and sexual responses. Or get the chance to understand through guided self-pleasure rituals or gynecological education. As a result, each woman has to blunder around, gathering information almost by accident.
I personally didn’t feel much during sex.
If you had asked me eight years back, I would’ve said that orgasm is something that happens by luck for me. If my clitoris was stroked in the right way, with the right rhythm while my partner is inside of me, there might’ve been a chance to come.
I didn’t even realize back then that my clitoris was the ‘one’ area that was giving me pleasure. Only until I tapped into Tantra, I realized that there is much more to discover. So I started to de-armor and let go of my numbness step by step, but not only to reach other or better kind of orgasms. More to let go of certain traumas and tensions that my pussy stored inside, which were the primary cause of the numbness in the first place.
You might have heard of the following common sexual dysfunctions:
Un-shaming the numb vagina syndrome
There are extreme cases of numb vagina, where the woman feels nothing other than a bit of pressure when any part of her vagina is stimulated. In this extreme case, women generally become aware that their sexual response is different from other women, because they experience no pleasure at all from penetrative sex.
Less well-known, however, is partial numb vagina syndrome. This is where a region of the vagina is numb, or certain spots, but other parts respond normally. This is something I experienced. And I didn’t even realize it until I had a Yoni Massage where my partner would map the inner tissues of my vagina to check whether I felt something or not.
Vaginismus is more common than we think
Often, a numb vagina is associated with other symptoms, such as tension and pain in the pelvic area.
Vaginismus is a condition in which penetrative sex causes pain. The muscles around the vagina go into spasm when anything enters the vagina opening. Similar to an eye that blinks when you try to touch it. If you are experiencing strong pain during sex and have a tendency to spasm you want to consult a doctor and find ways to release and relax the tension that is stored in your body.
Women experiencing vaginismus usually discover sooner of later their condition, either it happens when they use a tampon for the first time and can hardly get it out. Or when they have penetrative sex, which usually results in strong pelvic pain.
Both vaginismus and numb vagina syndrome can be a result of milder to stronger sexual trauma. In some cases, psychotherapy, NLP, or hypnosis may be needed to support the healing process. In other cases, a direct approach via the physical body can be fully effective, without the need to remember or talk about any traumatic event.
How to detect numb parts in your vagina?
Work around all parts of the vagina, point by point, and check whether or not you have sensation or not at each point.
It can be difficult to reach all the parts of the vagina unassisted. You can enlist the help of a partner, or invest in a therawand or dildo to help you reach the deeper parts of the vagina yourself.
Professional therapists practicing yoni massage can also help you to identify any areas of numbness in your vagina.
Learn how you map a numb vagina
The first step in treating a numb vagina is to map which parts of the vagina are numb.
Simply going through the process of systematically touching each and every point in the vagina will already stimulate the brain to make a better connection with the nerves in the vagina.
A regular practice of yoni massage will gradually and gently increase circulation and awareness in the vagina.
Once you know your numb areas, let’s heal them
Remember that numbness in the vagina is there for a reason. Be gentle with yourself, and allow your body to unwind itself at its own pace. You want to focus on them, rather ignoring them. You can start with a Self-Yoni massage, by gently pressing with a dildo on the numb area. Usually, numbness turns into pain (which is the first level of de-armouring) and pain transforms into pleasure if you keep present with the process.
Note: Pushing for fast results will most likely be counterproductive.
1. Examine your sexual programming
Most of us are programmed with repressive ideas about sexuality. Subconscious beliefs that sexual pleasure is wrong, sexuality is evil or dirty, or sexual desire is dangerous can all cause us to subconsciously shut down sensation in the vagina.
2. Review your sexual habits
Have you always cherished your sensitive “inner child” during sex, or have you sometimes pushed yourself to do things you don’t want to do? Have you allowed partners to penetrate you before you were fully ready? Have you used artificial lubricants to enable sex at times when your body wasn’t prepared for it? Have you been abused or assaulted? Do you have sex for the sake of peace, at times when you don’t feel emotionally connected? Any of these patterns can lead to a numb vagina.
3. Take time for solo practice
Your sexuality is first and foremost a relationship between you and yourself. There is no greater purpose to your sexual pleasure than to bring you into close connection with your soul. It can be deeply healing to set aside half an hour a day, or an hour every few days, and to really go deep with yourself, doing only the exact thing that you want to do at every moment. This is not a goal-oriented practice – don’t try to orgasm, or to feel any particular sensation. Simply explore, get to know your body and your sexual response, and experience the wide variety of sexual pleasure that your body can enjoy.
You may also benefit from jade egg practice, where you insert a Yoni egg into the vagina and move it around, using the muscles of the pelvic floor.
4. Choose supportive sexual partners
Sexual partners who are impatient, self-centered, or goal-oriented can create stress and tension, and may even make a numb vagina worse. Choose a sensitive, caring, gentle partner, who will take all the time you need, and who will enjoy exploring with you.
5. Create a supportive environment
Make every sexual experience a sensory feast. Light candles, burn incense or spray delicious scents on the sheets, play uplifting music, and arrange the room so that it looks beautiful. Your logical mind may say that this is all a waste of time and money, but your subconscious mind will register the message “you deserve beautiful sensations”.
6. Enjoy the journey
The journey to sexual empowerment is fascinating, with many twists and turns. Don’t be afraid to cry, to scream, to watch incredible visions unfold in your mind’s eye … you never know what you will discover about yourself when you start to explore those numb areas.
Sexual energy is a powerful healing force. When you liberate your sexual pleasure, you free up an enormous amount of creative energy in your life.
Don’t be in a hurry to reach some final destination. It is the unexpected twists and turns along the way that will bring you the greatest gifts.