Body & Health

Enjoying Anal: The Fail-Safe Recipe

Theresa Kirkby
Written by Theresa Kirkby

The only time I enjoyed having anal sex was when I was pretty drunk..” my lovely  friend told me with her Aussie accent, as were standing on a balcony in the warm summer breeze of Sydney’s setting sun, enjoying a glass of wine, before letting loose on the dancefloor to some reggae rhythms. Our Chilean friend laughingly agreed and said that she wasn’t that fond of it either.. That it hurt and that she sometimes felt like she had to poo. And Oh my goodness! How embarrassing would that be?

They both turned to look at me, as one of them said, “But T.. You really like anal. I remember you told me about it when you first started having it.. But don’t you feel like you have to poo sometimes?

I looked at them both and noticed how much I loved them at that particular moment, talking openly and loudly about something that’s still such a taboo. Having sex in the asshole.

Haha.. Yeah I like anal. I always orgasm from it,” I told them with a smile. “And yeah.. My x pulled out of me once, with a little poo on his dick..  which was VERY embarrassing at the time. I don’t think he was thrilled about it, but he just went to the bathroom to wash his penis..” And then I told them what my American Scorpio girlfriend once said to me in Thailand: “Well.. If a guy wants to fuck my ass, he should know what to expect. After all it is my asshole.” Which I guess is very true. Of course it’s not very appealing or sexy to find or smell your own poo on someone else, but shit happens, eh? And then… what else can you do but laugh?

Most women I know have been pushed into the world of anal by an eager and curious partner, who might have been a little too excited and a little too quick to slam his cock inside the tunnel of the unknown – which can really hurt!  Luckily I wasn’t one of those women. No.. The first time I had anal sex was because I initiated it. The thought of it excited me as it was somewhat forbidden, so I wasn’t nervous or afraid of pain, I was curious and ready to discover more of my body. I remember spooning with my boyfriend at the time and getting immensely turned on by feeling his erection close to my ass. I remember finding his lube and guiding him to do what I wanted… at my own speed. And I also remember some advice I once got from an old friend:  “Theresa, if you ever have anal, you should do it while spooning at first.” – Which brings me to the beginning of my “How to make analsex pleasurable” list.

  1. The position. Anal sex can hurt, and very easily so. Therefore the position in which we lie is very important. Personally I’ve taken my friend’s advice and always start off by spooning, because it makes me feel more relaxed and in contact with my partner.
  2. Relaxation. Our anus consists of a bunch of muscles that tighten up when we feel nervous or anxious, therefore it’s very important to feel safe and relaxed when sticking anything up there.
  3. Slow and easy. Remember that there’s absolutely no rush! The slower you make it happen, the better it will feel, as it takes time for your anus to relax and expand itself. So slow down, and breathe from your stomach when you feel like you are tensing up.
  4. Lubrication. Your anus will lubricate itself if you’re turned on enough, but it will make everything slide in a lot easier with the use of your favourite lubrication. Almond or cocunut oils are always good!
  5. Touch yourself. I like anal, but I have to stimulate my clitoris in order to make it really pleasurable. So don’t be afraid to touch yourself!
  6. Clean up. Make sure you’ve emptied what you needed to empty from your stomach and that you feel clean and ready. Otherwise you’ll spend a lot of time worrying about shit happening!
  7. Stay in charge. Don’t ever let your partner jam his cock inside you! Communicate and make sure that you’re the boss of your own ass.

Anal sex is not just about fucking and it’s not all about the guy. It might seem like that, when we watch porn where a woman gets her ass slammed by a huge cock for 20 minutes while moaning “Uhhh.. Yeah baby..” while her facial expression says: “Ouchh.. I’d really like you to take it easy“. No… anal sex can actually be very beautiful and arousing, especially when lying in missionary looking into each others eyes. It’s not for everyone, but if you haven’t explored that side of yourself yet, I’d say: “Give it a slow go, touch yourself and enjoy. And… Don’t be too alarmed if it gets a little messy – just wash it off.”


We think anal sex is something that everybody should give a try! What have your experiences on anal sex been so far? Let us know in the comments below – we love to hear from you!!

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About the author

Theresa Kirkby

Theresa Kirkby

Theresa Johanne Kirkby is a certified holistic sexologist, who grew up in a small village in the south of Denmark. She is a free-spirited woman, whose vocation is to help with opening the minds of people by breaking societal limitations and taboos of sexuality and intimacy.

Over the past 6 years she has been dedicated in the path of self-love, which has taught her the beauty of connection and conscious sexuality - a beauty she now strives to share with others. She offers therapy sessions related to everything from a heartbreak to a dysfunctional sexuality.

Her passion for hula hooping is ongoing and she can often be found dancing barefoot to the rythms of a djembe-jam.